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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857224">I am (mature)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZanaZoola14/pseuds/ZanaZoola14'>ZanaZoola14</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Barry Allen And Sebastian Smythe [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Mother's Nightmare (2012), Glee, The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Regression/De-Aging, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:55:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24857224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZanaZoola14/pseuds/ZanaZoola14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Barry Allen And Sebastian Smythe [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I am (mature)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>There is a real reason that this one-shot has a warning. Anyone who does not want to read anything to do with drugs, suicide, blood, rape and self-harm, please do not feel like you have to. This chapter is only there for anyone who wants to read anything like this, it is not an obligation. </b>
</p><p>Barry waited in the room, his ears unresponsive to what everyone else was saying. The CCPD was not as incompetent as he first thought. He was sat in an interrogation room, waiting for one officer to come into <em>talk</em> to him.</p><p>He knows what is going to be happening. They will ask him about his life before getting on and pressing about his past.</p><p>Yeah, they found out his past.</p><p>Well, one that came after being Sebastian Smythe. Yeah, he wanted to be Bassy again, so he created a new name. One classified as a deep and dark villain. Different <em>occasions</em> happening all because of him. He got to confidant to be safe. But then he stopped left it all behind. Within the past year though, that was a different story, it seems that they have improved inability, a spy somewhere.</p><p>"Now, who are you?" An officer said, walking into the interrogation room, getting straight to the point.</p><p>"Why, Ben? Have you surely forgot already?" Barry sassed, already falling back into Sebastian's waiting arms. Barry was waiting for Sebastian and in turn, Sebastian was waiting for him.</p><p>"This is not a time for games," the officer warned. He did not prepare for the man to be sassy with him straight away.</p><p>"Why, I thought it was time for games. There is always time for games." Sebastian asked, faking innocence.</p><p>"Barry... We would like to believe that this was not you... You are not making it easy for you to prove your innocence..." The officer sighed.</p><p>"Hey, Ben?" Sebastian suddenly asked. His head was tipped reminding the officer of a curious puppy, while his voice held the innocence of a small child asking a question to their parent.</p><p>"Yeah?" The officer asked, hoping that they were getting somewhere. He hoped that by having the man ask a question and him to answer it, it would mean that they would be able to cooperate and fix this mess that had been made.</p><p>"Do you like the screams?" Sebastian asked. The face that Sebastian pulled reminded the officer and all that watched of a psychopath that had a <em>brilliant</em> plan underway. Maybe that was what was happening. Sebastian was acting psychopathic enough for it.</p><p>"What screams...?" The officer asked, suddenly very worried about the mental health of the man in front of him. Just as the sentence was finished, screams ran through the building as explosions rocked it to the foundations.</p><p>"Bye-bye!" Sebastian chirped, waving merely as he walked towards the wall that the officer was looking at. He stood there waiting while whole foundations were not rattling around him as he whistled out a merry tune.</p><p>Just as the officer was about to question him, a large echoing explosion rang through the whole building, knocking everyone but Sebastian to the floor. Seconds later, there was another following explosion, like the aftershock of an earthquake. A large hole appeared in the wall of the interrogation room, right where Bassy was standing.</p><p>"Don't leave!" The officer shouted over the continuing explosions.</p><p>"Oh, but I already have," Bassy said as he walked backwards out of the hole, dropping from sight, his arms flared out from his sides. Moments before he hit the floor, he started to run. His feet scatting safely across the horizontal wall. Behind him, as he ran away from the exploding CCPD, his lightning glowed an eerie blood red.</p><p>----------------------</p><p>Sebastian could not believe whom he had stumbled upon. He was down in an underground <em>Black market</em> of sorts. He had a meta-cuff on, but he did not worry, he did not start with his powers.</p><p>Everything was going well until he was <em>noticed</em>, apparently being the lanky person that he was, it meant that he was not very <em>villain</em> looking. The only thing that went through Sebastian's mind is <em>why would you look like a villain, you are more likely to get caught then?</em></p><p>Apparently, this <em>leader</em> did not like it when you ignored them. He soon found himself being forced to his knees with a pistol stuck to the back of his neck. The <em>leader</em> was glaring down on him, just to make sure that he was not going to try anything.</p><p>"Who are you?!" The <em>leader</em> exclaimed again at him, voicing that this was Sebastian's last chance at answering him.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p></p>
</div><p><br/>
"I'm nobody. No arrests, no convictions. Not for the Star City Museum heist where atomised Lorazepam knocked the guards out. For the acid bomb that blew open the federal reserve bank last month." Sebastian stated calmly, slowly raising his head to face the <em>leader</em>.</p><p>"That was you?" The <em>Leader</em> asked him, shock written over his face.</p><p>"Not according to police reports, 'cause the only evidence I leave behind are red herons for idiot cops to chase down." Sebastian started, getting to his feet. "You want to know who I am? You can call me the Chemist, but I really don't care what you call me." Sebastian glared, standing head to head with the <em>leader</em>. "Just stop wasting my time." He finished with a slight growl, straightening his jacket.</p><p>There was a pregnant silence that filled the room, as each of the different people looked to one another while Sebastian continued to stare the <em>leader</em> straight in the eye. This was broken when the <em>leader </em>let out a laugh talking about how he liked Sebastian.</p><p>"I hope to work alongside you one day, Chemist." The <em>leader</em> smirked.</p><p>"Time shall just have to wait and see," Sebastian smirked in return.</p><p>Sebastian very quickly rounded up what he was doing and left, quite thankful for the ability to feel the full power of the speed force running through him again. The familiar buzz was racing through his body again, the small electronic, that he had set out to find, safely in his hands.</p><p>With this final piece, he would be able to open up the speed force and harvest the energy directly from it. It was a wonder that no other speedster had tried to attempt what he was going to be doing, though, him going after and stopping the speedsters probably help.</p><p>Each time he took down one of the speedsters, the papers would be shouting out how maybe the Flash would be turning back to the side of good. Like that would ever happen...</p><p>---------------------</p><p>The portal was open and harvesting was underway when a breach opened. Sebastian felt like hitting his head on a wall, what took his old team to try and have a shot at him? What shocked him the most was after team Flash walked through, Snart walked through, flanked by the rest of the Rogues, including the ones that were in prison up until that morning - even the ones in the meta ward.</p><p>"Ain't this cyanic?" Sebastian asked as he turned around to face the two groups. With the passing seconds, he could feel his strength increasing by the tenfold.</p><p>"This ain't you Scarlet!" Snart started, butting in before anyone else had the chance to speak. He made sure to not use his real name, as to not give away any information that he had over the rest of the group.</p><p>"You know my name, Leonard, use it," Sebastian growled as he started fiddling around with the contraption that was feeding him pure speed force at that moment in time. He still had trust in the morals of the others not to stab him metaphorically and figuratively in the back.</p><p>"I don't think that you are him," Snart stated, ignoring the looks that the Rogues were currently giving him at this new knowledge.</p><p>"But I am, this is the real me. Something I was not sure that I was going to show any of you. Let alone talk about the reasons for this being me with the Rogues and <em>pretty little Lenny</em> being there," Sebastian smirked as he turned to face the collective group.</p><p>The others seemed to be enticed on his words, wanting to know why. Only Snart seemed to catch on to why he was doing this. It seemed that they did think similar then.</p><p>"When I was eleven, my mother was murdered by the man in yellow - he is now gone, destroyed by me - my father was wrongly locked up for her death. Now, I was constantly bullied. I was the son of the <em>wife killer</em><em>.</em> I needed to have a break from this life, so I created a new name. Chris Steward. Things turned even worse, a girl ended up drugging me, chaining me to a bathtub. A video of me went out. I got interrogated for it, shunned by almost everyone - again. Only my adoptive mother still looked after me, but it was still not what it was before. I grew depressed. Eventually self-harming to a point where the medics had to use a defibrillator on me to try and save my life." Barry started before he was cut off.</p><p>There were shocked gasps that went through the different teams. Some of them were crying, this even included some of the Rogues. Lisa had managed to <em>force</em> her way into Cisco arms and was currently being held close by the pale man.</p><p>Leonard was the one who seemed to be dealing the worst, his eyes were glassed over, tears running down his cheeks. He was completely frozen over. Barely breathing. His hands spread wide in his shock from what Barry was telling them. His eyes and face, normally covered with a mask and a smirk, were now pale and almost fearful like he had a way to feel close to what Barry was saying. Like he had experienced it as well. He looked like he was able to see everything that Barry was telling them.</p><p>Barry carried on slowly, his eyes wandering around the group, lingering time and time again on Leonard, "I knew that I had to go again. My life was in ruins. My name spread wide through the news. So I did my digging. I found that I had family still alive. My uncle, his wife and their daughter," once again he was paused in his speaking as everyone took a sudden breath at this new news. "So I went to live with them. Being adopted and changing my name to Sebastian Smythe," this time it was the Rogues that cut him off, looking in awe at him.</p><p>"I went to live in Paris with them. Already being able to speak fluent French thanks to my mother being Parisian, I fitted in well. During the time that I spent there, I created a new personality. I decided that enough was enough. I was not going to be a pushover. I became a snobby, egotistical, sarcastic, gay billionaire who stood above everyone else. When I moved back to Ohio. I was enrolled at Dalton Academy. Soon I was the Captain of the Lacrosse team, discovering a natural-born talent for the sport. We continuously won nationals while I was crowned the strictest coach the school had ever seen. I was simply a slave driver, took no prisoners. Later I joined the glee group, soon became their Captian as well. I became the most well-known Captain of the Dalton Academy Warblers. With my help, the 2013 Warblers continued to win nationals after nationals. It became such a normal occurrence with me it was like I won nationals for breakfast." Barry quickly glanced over the group, most had calmed almost completely. Although Lisa was still in Cisco's arms.</p><p>Leonard had a lot more colour to his face then he did previously. He had less of a haunted look on his face though his eyes were still glass-like.</p><p>The tears were not as heavy as there were before, calmer and like he was unable to stop from the previous point like there was still more behind his stone mask then he let others on to.</p><p>"With the personality that had created. My behaviour changed. To a point where two people tried to take their lives because of me..."</p><p>Angry gasps echoed through all of the group. Each shocked that the person who used to be Central Cities hero had nearly caused the deaths of two people.</p><p>"They lived, caught before they were able to succeed. There I realised that I needed to change. But I was already set in stone to be the villain. I was the <em>Seductive Demon </em>of the <em>Sexy Villains</em>. The leader of the group, the crime boss who became well known. It was all because the rival school created a hero club, we only went further. The leader of the club, the, now, husband of one of the people who had tried to take their own life, had a major run-in with me. After settling our argument through singing - as it was an argument between two different glee groups - I flung a slushy at Kurt, the one who tried to take his life. Within this slushy, there was rock salt, to make it last longer and to make it stain his clothing. Blaine, the leader of the heroes and the husband - was the boyfriend at that point - dived in front of him. The slushy got him in the face, getting into his eye. I fled the area, my group following as the man curled into himself as he screamed out in agony. He was rushed into emergency surgery to save his eyesight. I was lucky that he got seen to in time and not to much damage was done, meaning that he did not go permanently blind."</p><p>Glancing around he could see that there was not much change in them. They still were looking thrown.</p><p>"After I finished school. I changed back, I became Bartholomew Henry Sebastian Smythe Allen. Then the Particle Accelerator exploded and I got struck by lightning. I got stuck in the coma, waking up to superpowers - and Lady Gaga," Barry added much to Cisco's amusement.</p><p>"I told you that would work!" Cisco exclaimed, breaking the somewhat ice that had formed over the group.</p><p>"Then you know everything else. Except where I became back to being me. Let myself break out of the shell and the walls that I built around myself. I found the hero life terribly boring. So set up a second identity, a villain identity. I was Barry Allen, the CSI for the CCPD. I am Chemist, the resident SuperVillain taking over. I was the Flash, Central Cities superhero. I was all three at once, for ages it went like this until CCPD grew some intelligence and sent a spy out. They noticed something odd, their CSI was there. So they took me in for investigation, to see what I was doing and whether there was something to sort out. My question to them was whether they liked the screams? I did not get the answer so I will ask you," Barry said a smirk spreading slowly over his face.</p><p>Everyone looked confused at Barry, why was he acting like this at this moment, so what was he going to ask them. Only Snart had the decency to stop Barry. Holding out one arm while the other folded the sleeve up, his jacket falling to the ground.</p><p>His bare arm was displayed to the whole group, lines dancing across. Each line carrying their own story. Leonard could feel all the stares on him, on his arms and its decorations.</p><p>"I did this because of my <em>father</em>. Each time I messed up. Each time I was not good enough. The echo of each kick. The whack of each belt. The crack of the whip. Even deeper for the times I was not able to stand between my <em>father</em> and Lisa," he whispered, his voice hoarse from silent cries. He slowly took his top off, lowering it to the ground, showing the continuation of dancing lines.</p><p>There were mountain and hills in his back, ridges sticking up pink on his pale flesh. There were cigarette burn scars, black and dark. There was a scar above his heart, curved slightly, an identical one below the heart. Wiping at his neck, he revealed yet more scars, adding to the thousands that he already had. One massive one, wrapping most of his way around his neck stood out. Then there were all the prick scars, where needles had been shoved forcefully into his body.</p><p>"These are from where Lewis drugged me. Stabbing me with needles even as I slept. The shame this brought me caused me to try to take my own life. Causing this massive scar. I failed at taking my own life. But I saw Lisa stood in her young childhood over me, fear spread through her as she feared that I would die. I swore to myself that I would stay alive, even if it was only until she was safe and <em>he</em> was dead." Leonard said, keeping his eyes on the ground, only looking up to Barry or Lisa.</p><p>Lisa was almost falling on her knees as tears ran down her, sobs choking out of her agape mouth, only Cisco keeping her from falling.</p><p>The Rogues were in shambles, they too were crying. They had wanted to know what has happened to Leonard because of Lewis. This was not what any of them would have guessed.</p><p>"This... This curved one was another... Another... T-This was another attempt in my life... Before I had sworn to myself to stay alive before I tried to kill myself from my neck. I plunged a dagger into myself. I remember Lewis coming in, drunk, curving the dagger out of me, cutting through my ribs. He poured alcohol down my wound, stabbing me below the heart, curving and breaking more ribs. When tears continued to fall down my face, he-he smashed his bottle over my head before storming over to the infant Lisa..." Leonard choked out, his full cries breaking through his words.</p><p>"I remember that day. Even if I was so young. He came in like a hurricane. He scratched into my skin, matching the scars that L-Lenny had. He screamed, swore. He was... Was like a wild rampaging animal. I was left with scars; physical, spiritual and mental. I was young enough to be able to heal. But some scars stay open, fresh from the attack that caused it." Lisa sobbed, clutching Cisco as he tried to soothe her.</p><p>"All the lines on my back were my punishment. It continues, spreading everywhere. I was lucky that my back was not broken through my life. A multi-head, metal-tipped whip was his favourite. He said he got it from someone who used to be in the Navy, that it was one of their punishments. Gave me lashing for everything. Too hungry, lashings. Standing between himself and Lisa, lashings." Leonard froze on his next words. Almost like there was something else to it. Or that he did not want to tell them what he was about to say.</p><p>"For when I truly went <em>wrong</em> he had another punishment. Luckily this one was not used often. Said that I would learn the quickest from this one and I did. I learned quickly. Soon... Soon I was doing what he wanted, stealing what he wanted and not getting caught," Leonard seemed to choke up again, freezing up.</p><p>"What did he do, Leonard?" Barry asked softly, surprising everyone.</p><p>"He would rape me. All while having a lunatic smile on his face. Screaming at me, growling at me what I had to learn. What I had done wrong." Leonard said, his voice breaking and fading off.</p><p>"We all have that happen to us... When I first became Sebastian Smythe... My Uncle would punish me for not being enough of a Smythe. Then I had a <em>boyfriend</em>, he would punish me for not doing enough or for doing something that he did not like. Then, when I was not reacting like he wanted me to and not taking the drugs and steroids that he was wanting the whole group to take, he would also rape me. But because of my reputation and the reputation of the Warblers, I could tell no one. So when the person got found out and got taken away... I was free from it all over again - although I was never the same again after that. Did you all not realise the fake smiles that covered my face most of the time?" Sebastian said, before growling almost to himself, "of course you didn't..."</p><p>"No, I did... But I thought it was because of being the Flash, not because of something else. I could see it because they were the same that I used, the same design for the smiles and the smirks that I used... Only when I was ''<em>peachy</em>'' could they fall enough for people to see," Snart said offhandedly.</p><p>Barry, within seconds of Snart finishing talking, felt the portal finish supplying the energy for him. Within seconds of the portal finishing, there was a massive bolt of speed force that came crashing down on Barry and the machine. He felt his vision speed up, his mind clear - a fog lifting - the first time since he got his powers.</p><p>"You okay?" Snart tried to ask him after the bolt had finished. By the end of his sentence, he was in a different country. The Chemist - as the Flash was now known - was facing him.</p><p>Those who were left, their brains fought to catch up. One moment, Snart had finished talking and a massive lightning bolt struck Barry, the next, Snart was halfway through asking whether he was ok that both Snart and Barry had disappeared - bright crimson red lighting trailing out behind them.</p><p>-----------</p><p>"So, how are you?" Snart asked, feeling rather out of place in this new environment. He had been brought to somewhere in Australia - far to hot for his tastes.</p><p>"You're bored, aren't you?" Sebastian sighed. This was about the fifth time that he had asked that same question and now it was just plain annoying and frustrating Sebastian.</p><p>"Yeah... And it is way too hot here," Snart said, far to close to a whine to be safe.</p><p>"Would you be quieter and whine less if I get you something to do?" Sebastian sighed, turning towards the man.</p><p>Snart was currently sprawled out across the floor, trying to get as cool as he could, his jacket and boots of to the side of him. After hearing what Sebastian had said, his head suddenly shot from the floor and nodded at about a thousand miles an hour.</p><p>Keeping his smirk to himself, Sebastian shot off and quickly returned with a few different board games for him to play around with. Oh, he also got him some snow and ice from the Antarctic - which went straight on top of Snart's head.</p><p>"Is that better?" Sebastian asked, snickering to himself at the Snart that was covered in snow and ice that had not even got up from the floor yet.</p><p>"Yep, much better," Snart said cheerfully before walking off.</p><p>Quiet quickly there was another room built around him, made with glass walls, glass ceiling and a glass double-door - although all of it would be able to take a bullet and survive a truck hitting straight into them.</p><p>"What was that for?" Snart asked, highly confused as to what had just happened.</p><p>"If it's up to me, I would rather not have someone just wandering around and just in case you manage to find something to keep you cool," Sebastian said over his shoulder at Snart as he worked on a few different things in the room. He did not know what he was going to do now, he had everything - he could get anything and he had got the full power from the speed force.</p><p>Within five minutes, Snart was at it again, "what are you doing?" He echoed again, causing Sebastian to sigh and put down the piece of electronic with more force then what was strictly necessary.</p><p>"Do I have to come in there and play with you like you are a child?" Sebastian said, on the verge of finding out what would happen if he was to run into a wall headfirst now.</p><p>"Mmm... Yeah..." Snart said, looking sheepish.</p><p><span class="u"><em>'Well, at least he has the decency to look sheepish at that...'</em></span> Sebastian thought to himself as he moved away from the desk he was at and walked into the glass room that Snart was in.</p><p>"Alright, what are we going to play?" He sighed the moment that he walked into the room and sat down opposite Snart.</p><p>
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